Josh's Laughing Lizard

Jeremy Enslin


Dear Professor Dumbledore,


We have to talk about an important and potentially dangerous issue I have recently discovered, which is the lack of qualified and responsible teachers. When you interview potential professors, do you check to see if they have a history of violence or allegiance to an evil figure? So far you have had Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers in all but one year having either pledged their allegiance to a dark lord, or wanting to harm a single student, Harry Potter, because he defeated a dark lord when he was a baby. The only truly light wizard who had this teaching position was Remus Lupin, whom the students seemed to like. However, it would appear that Remus Lupin is a werewolf, which I shouldn’t need to explain why that’s dangerous to the students and the teachers. When Lupin forgot the wolfsbane potion, he turned into a werewolf and nearly killed three students and a teacher. 

The most blatantly horrible teacher you hired for this position was professor Quirinus Quirrell. Quirrell, who claims to have been attacked by vampires in Albania, where it is rumored the Dark Lord Voldemort was rumored to have been hiding, returned with a turban he had not worn before. Professor Dumbledore, why would this not raise suspicion in your eyes? He was hiding the Dark Lord himself on the back of his head. Did you not ask him to remove his turban? You had him teach a subject before Defense at your school, and he never wore a turban then. Why would this not raise some suspicion in your eyes? Also, why would you bring the philosopher’s stone into Hogwarts after the very vault that held the stone was broken into by the dark lord himself.

The only person who seemed remotely suspicious of him was Severus Snape, a known Death Eater. Speaking of, why would you give him the position to teach a boy he will obviously hate, if his history with his father is to be believed. Also, instead of hiring Lockheart to teach the children, you hired him in hopes of exposing his false fame. Also, why not use Dobby or Fawkes to apparate into the chamber? House elves and phoenixes can apparate inside of Hogwarts grounds, as they are not wizards. You do speak parseltongue, or at least enough to open the doors to the Chamber of Secrets. 

When you hired Mad Eye Moody, why didn’t you test him to make sure it was truly him and not someone in disguise, as we later found out he was? Why wouldn’t you make sure while he was teaching that he didn’t go to far and bring back some unpleasant memories for certain students, such as Neville Longbottom, whose parents were tortured to insanity? “Moody” showed a complete lack of responsibility by demonstrating the different curses in front of students, one of which has past traumatic experiences involving one of the curses. These curses were made illegal to everyone for a reason, Dumbledore. The Imperius curse controls the targets mind, the cruciatus curse can torture to insanity, and the killing curse kills the target instantly, all of these seem reason enough to not let a teacher teach them to the students. Students who have had a traumatic experience with these curses should not have to have seem them again. The idea of demonstrating these curses was moronic and completely irresponsible, and shows a complete lack of caring about the students.

In terms of keeping these bad influences away, you seemed to take no precautions. Regarding the teachers you have hired, did you do any background checks? I’m not familiar with education practices in the wizarding world, but in the muggle world, you have to check and see if there is a criminal record, or any form of misconduct or abuse regarding children. When hiring the teachers for this supposedly cursed position, did you check to see if they have any history of violence or any other abuse towards children? if so, you did a poor job of it. Also required when hiring a teacher are their credentials. In the muggle world, you have to get licenses and certificates in order to teach at a school. I don’t recall Moody, Lockhart, or any of the other teachers, yourself included, having said or proven their teaching requirements. I am not certain what the requirements for teaching in the wizarding societies, but I do know that there should be stronger restrictions on who should be allowed to teach. 


Sources: HP books,